I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
