I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
