mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
