too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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