david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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