you guys were way drunker than both of me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
