Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just pee around me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
