Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
