Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize