I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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