when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
