Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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