he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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