The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
