I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
