I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
