Please don't use social media to get back at me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
