I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
