Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
