$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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