Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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