you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
