things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
