His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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