alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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