I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
