Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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