$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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