Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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