the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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