why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
