I just threw up on my dentist
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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