This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
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Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
At least life still wants to fuck me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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