He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
