i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
