I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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