I'll bet she douches with gravy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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