wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
