I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
