Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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