I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
