bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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