I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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