And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
