Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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