is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
