That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
