I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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