so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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