Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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