The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
