Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
