Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
