So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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