UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
