I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I deserve this hangover.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize