so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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