Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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