something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize