I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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